Make Good Choices!

Wow it has been such a long time since I have written anything here... almost 5 months!

Winter is upon us now... we had our first reasonable snowfall last night and woke up to a cold wintry wonderland this morning.

Reading Words of the Ancient Wise this morning and I discovered a comment that I had made last year... "This is the first lesson of a Stoic that Death is not to be feared but to be accepted. Once you accept that death is a part of life then you are free to live fully. The only thing of real importance is your choice and that can only be controlled by yourself. Everything else in this life is just details, many of them are wonderful details, but just details. - comments from reading Epictetus DISCOURSES. Book i. 1. 6" I realized that I am still trying to figure out the "best" choices rather than living fully... I am still waiting until I grow up and figure out what I want to be. I always wanted to live purposefully being mindful of everything. When I take stock of my life I realize that I am still living somewhat accidentally. Allowing Life to be lived through me rather than living through Life. It is a subtle and yet vital difference. I am going to spend the rest of December thinking about what I want out of Life and see if I can't start the New Year with a renewed resolve to live life with purpose.

I think the first thing to do today is to sit down and figure out what needs to be accomplished for our Winter Solstice/Saturnalia party on Friday night and for other friends' celebrations next Saturday that we are invited to participate in. Once I have that list I can start a list for the week after leading up to Xmas. This should allow me to live life more deliberately at least until after December 25th. At that point I can take some time for reflection moving into the New Year and beyond.

I am angry hear me roar

Well, I have decided that I cannot control my family's actions BUT I can control my reactions to their actions. I have to make the life that I want rather than sit railing against the darkness without turning on a light. I cannot allow their reactions to derail me but shoulder on and take the life that I wish to be living.

I am no longer required to sacrifice to mother my children... gone are the days and nights of wiping noses, healing bumps and counseling into the late hours of the night. My children have grown and are all adults, making their own choices and income. I need to grasp the freedom that comes from this stage of my life and quit thinking that I still need to wipe their noses or heal their bumps.

Freedom comes with this stage of life. I simply must start readjusting and grabbing that freedom. Freedom to think, to exercise, to make choices with only my spouse in mind, and to fly. I need to quit making tentative steps into the next phase of my life, but walk boldly out there and seize the door handle and pull the door open.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.